Should Christians Kiss While Dating?

Does the Bible encourage pre-marital sex? Most Christians would answer that question with an immediate and emphatic no. In fact, if I surveyed one hundred believers, I am confident that over ninety - if not all one hundred - would agree without hesitation. But what if I asked a slightly different question: Does the Bible forbid pre-marital kissing? Suddenly, the room would not be as unanimous. Some would say yes. Some would say no. Others would respond, “I’m not sure.” The variance in answers reveals something important. Scripture is very explicit about pre-marital sexual intercourse, yet it does not provide a direct command that says, “Thou shall not kiss before marriage.” And that silence is where the confusion begins.

I have a mentee who shared openly during one of our sessions that he and his girlfriend would kiss and “make out” from time to time. They saw nothing inherently wrong with it. In their minds, they were not having sex. They were committed to each other. They believed they were staying within reasonable boundaries.

Two months later, that same young man came back and told me they had to establish much stricter limits. Why? Because they could clearly see where things were heading. What once felt harmless was gradually intensifying. What seemed manageable was becoming increasingly difficult to restrain. They eventually decided to completely avoid those behaviors because of the direction they were moving. That conversation highlights the real tension behind this topic.

So the question is not random or trivial. Many Christian singles and dating couples wrestle with it quietly: Should Christians kiss while dating? Before we answer that directly, we need to step back and ask better foundational questions.

Should Christians kiss while dating?

1. Who is a Christian?

A Christian is not merely someone who believes in God. I will define a Christian simply as someone who has received Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord. And that second word - Lord - changes everything. In Luke 5, after a long and fruitless night of fishing, Jesus told Peter to let down his nets again. Peter responded, 

“Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.” 

That simple phrase captures the heart posture of a disciple: because You say so!

Jesus later taught that anyone who wants to follow Him must deny themselves (Luke 9:23). Paul reminds believers in 1 Corinthians 6:19–20 that we are not our own; we were bought at a price. If you claim to be a Christian, what this means is that your body belongs to Christ. Your desires belong to Christ. Your relationships belong to Christ - including your dating life, including your physical affection. This brings us to the next necessary clarification. 

 If you claim to be a Christian, what this means is that your body belongs to Christ.

2. What is dating?

Because the word “dating” has become an ambiguous word which can mean different things to different people, it’s important to clarify what I mean by that each time I use it in this article. I define dating as the season of life where a man and woman pursue an exclusive, marriage-driven romantic relationship. It is not recreational. It is discerning. It is a season of evaluation, not entitlement. Proverbs 4:23 tells us, 

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” 

Dating, then, is not about indulging every romantic impulse. It is about guarding the heart while discerning whether this person is someone with whom you can enter a lifelong covenant.

It is also worth clarifying something cultural. In some Western settings, dating and engagement are separate stages. In other cultures - including mine - what is called “engagement” is actually the traditional wedding ceremony itself. There is no prolonged in-between stage. Once that ceremony occurs, you are technically married. So regardless of terminology, the real distinction is simple: if you are not yet married, wisdom still applies in full force. Now let’s ask the next important foundational question.

3. What do you mean by kissing?

Not all kisses are the same. Scripture itself acknowledges different kinds of kisses - cultural greetings (Romans 16:16), familial affection between parents, siblings, and relatives (Genesis 27:26–27; 33:4), and romantic love between a man and a woman (Song of Songs 1:2). The Bible does not condemn every form of kissing. So the issue is not whether kissing automatically equals sin. The issue is what kind of kissing we are talking about and what it is doing.

A brief greeting is not the same as a lingering, sensual kiss that awakens sexual desire. Song of Songs repeatedly warns,

 “Do not arouse or awaken love until the time is right” (2:7; 3:5; 8:4). 

That warning assumes that certain actions stir desire prematurely. Some expressions of affection awaken what was designed to flourish safely within the covenant of marriage. So is kissing in itself a sin? The Bible does not list kissing as sin. However, Scripture speaks clearly about lust, sexual immorality, and self-control. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:18, 

“Flee from sexual immorality…” 

Notice the strength of that word. He does not say manage it, test it, or experiment with it. He says flee. Proverbs 19:2 adds,

 “Desire without knowledge is not good - how much more will hasty feet miss the way!” 

Desire itself is not evil, but unguarded desire easily leads us where we never intended to go.

Here is the balanced truth: romantic kissing may not be sin in itself, but it is rarely neutral. It can easily lead toward sin. And because it carries that potential, it becomes a matter of wisdom rather than mere technical permissibility.

Many people brush the concern aside by saying, “It’s just a kiss.” But it is rarely just that. A romantic kiss is not only physical; it engages the mind and the emotions as well. When two people kiss in a romantic way, the brain releases chemicals such as dopamine and oxytocin - substances that generate pleasure and begin forming emotional bonds. A sense of attachment can quietly take root. Desire often grows stronger.

Sexual intercourse releases those same bonding chemicals at far deeper levels, intensifying vulnerability and connection. That progression helps us understand something important: kissing can initiate a bonding process that was designed to be completed by sexual intercourse. And more often than people anticipate, what begins as a controlled expression of affection gradually moves toward choices they never originally planned to make.

 kissing can initiate a bonding process that was designed to be completed by sexual intercourse.

Over time, I have come to recognize a consistent pattern: lust is rarely satisfied with where it starts. It always wants something new, something more, and something now. What may start as an innocent five-second hug can slowly escalate into longer embraces, then more intimate expressions of affection, and eventually into sexual involvement — unless clear, intentional boundaries are established along the way. Without deliberate restraint, desire tends to move in one direction: forward.

One statement I often share is this: the body often arrives at sin before the mind gives permission. Desire rarely stays where you first invite it. What felt manageable at the beginning can become increasingly difficult to restrain.

Instead of giving a rigid rule, I prefer to offer diagnostic questions that invite honest reflection. When considering romantic kissing, ask yourself: What is the true purpose of this kiss? Is it simple affection, or is it designed to arouse? Jesus taught in Matthew 5 that lust begins in the heart. Motive matters deeply. Be honest about what is happening internally.

Next, ask whether the purpose could be achieved in other ways. If the goal is connection, reassurance, or affection, can those things be expressed through words, time, service, thoughtful gestures or even a warm hug? There are many ways to deepen emotional intimacy without awakening sexual desire prematurely.

It is also wise to ask whether you would be comfortable if your boyfriend or girlfriend expressed that same level of physical intimacy with someone else. Paul instructs Timothy to treat younger women as sisters in all purity (1 Timothy 5:2). While dating introduces exclusivity, it does not yet carry the covenant depth of marriage. Certain expressions of intimacy belong uniquely within that covenant.

Another important question concerns conscience. Romans 14 reminds believers that if we act against our conviction, we sin. If you repeatedly feel tension afterward, or if you keep saying, “Next time we won’t go that far,” that pattern is revealing something. Conviction is not something to silence; it is something to heed.

Finally, ask whether this behavior moves you closer to fleeing sexual immorality or closer to drifting toward it. If Scripture commands us to flee, then wisdom asks whether our choices create distance from temptation or proximity to it.

If Scripture commands us to flee, then wisdom asks whether our choices create distance from temptation or proximity to it.

Often, the deeper issue is the question we are asking. Many believers ask, “How far is too far?” But that question already assumes we want to approach the boundary. A wiser question is, “How far away can I stay from sexual immorality?” Instead of asking, “Is it wrong?” we might ask, “Is it right? Does this glorify God?” Instead of asking, “Is it allowed?” we might ask, “Is it wise?” Scripture reminds us that not everything permissible is beneficial (1 Corinthians 10:23–24). Dating is not about testing the outer edges of sin. It is about preparing for covenant faithfulness.

So should Christians kiss while dating? 

The Bible does not give a blanket prohibition of every form of kissing. Yet romantic, sensual kissing carries undeniable power. It awakens desire. It strengthens emotional attachment. It can cloud discernment during a season that requires clarity. If dating is meant to be a guarded, discerning season, then any behavior that consistently fuels arousal and weakens self-control deserves serious reflection.

This conversation is not about legalism. It is about stewardship. If you belong to Christ, the central question is not, “What can I get away with?” but “How can I honor Him with my body and prepare wisely for marriage?” Guarding your heart is not fear. It is foresight. And foresight protects both your present purity and your future covenant. Let me know your thoughts in the comment section!