IS MARRIAGE FOR YOU?

Marriage is often seen as a natural milestone, a box to check on the path to a fulfilled life. Yet, not everyone feels called to marriage, and this reality invites us to pause and reflect on what God’s plan might be for each of us individually. In Chapter 8 of the second edition of Single and Satisfied (which will be published soon), I had the privilege of exploring this profound question through the lens of Scripture, personal stories, and practical wisdom.

One encounter that profoundly shaped my perspective, which I included in the chapter was my conversation with an inspiring African American woman in her 80s. Her journey is a testament to the beauty of God’s timing and the richness of a life lived with purpose. Engaged at 19 but betrayed just weeks before her wedding, she chose to wait on the Lord for a partner who shared her faith and values. At 48, after decades of contented singleness and service to God, she married and enjoyed 27 years of a deeply fulfilling marriage before her husband passed away. Her story reminds us that singleness, when embraced with faith and purpose, is neither a disadvantage nor unfulfilling.

Not Everyone Will Marry

While marriage is a divine institution and a beautiful calling for many, Scripture teaches us that it is not a universal requirement for a meaningful life. In Matthew 19:11-12, Jesus acknowledges that among other reasons, some people will choose singleness for the sake of the Kingdom. Whether due to natural circumstances, external factors, or deliberate decisions, singleness can be as purposeful as marriage when lived in alignment with God’s will.

Whether due to natural circumstances, external factors, or deliberate decisions, singleness can be as purposeful as marriage when lived in alignment with God’s will.

Three Biblical Categories of A Lifetime of Singleness

Jesus identifies three groups of people for whom marriage may not be the path:

1. Eunuchs Born That Way: This refers to individuals naturally unable to marry due to biological, physical or other reasons that are beyond their control. Also, there are others who have never felt a desire for marriage, for reasons unknown to them. God’s design for their lives may not include a romantic relationship, and they can find fulfillment in other areas of their lives. Part of what Tina Lifford, an American actress and also playwright, said in a video on YouTube titled “Why I never married or had children” reads:

   
   

“My mom tells a story about me when I was six years old and we were all at the dinner table - my parents and my sister and brother. My mom and dad are going around the table and they’re asking us what we wanna be when we grow up but I’m not saying anything. My mother says to me ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’ And I said ‘I don’t know but I know what I don’t wanna be’ and she says ‘what’s that?’ And I said ‘married!...I don’t know where that came from at six years old but marriage and children have never been my goal”

Based on what Tina said here, this could fit well in this category.

2. Eunuchs Made That Way by Others: This category includes those who, through external circumstances—such as traumatic experiences or cultural restrictions—are unable or unwilling to marry. For instance, someone may choose to remain single after witnessing difficult marital examples in their families, using their experiences to guide their personal decisions.

   
   

3. Those Who Choose Singleness for God’s Kingdom: Some individuals choose to forgo marriage intentionally, dedicating themselves entirely to God’s work. The Apostle Paul, who remained unmarried to focus on his ministry, is a prime example of this commitment. For many, singleness provides the freedom to pursue their calling without the divided focus that marriage may entail (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). A couple of weeks ago, after delivering a talk on “Christian Dating” at a youth conference in Minnesota, I encountered a Caucasian man in his 60s who shared that he has never married or engaged in sexual relations—not due to a lack of desire but as a deliberate choice aligned with the demands of his calling. He added that he has no regrets, serving as a powerful testament to this path.

Is Marriage Part of God’s Plan for You?

If the descriptions above don’t resonate with you and you have a genuine desire for marriage, it could be an indication that marriage is part of God’s design for your life. This desire, when rooted in prayer and aligned with God’s will, often points us toward His purposes.

However, desire alone is not enough. Preparation is crucial. It’s important to cultivate a healthy understanding of what marriage entails and to grow emotionally, spiritually, and relationally before entering into this covenant.

Navigating Delays in Marriage

For those who feel called to marriage but find themselves waiting, it’s normal to experience emotions such as loneliness or frustration. Yet, it’s vital to remember that your worth is not tied to your marital status but to your identity in Christ. Pastor Tony Evans wrote in his book Being Single and Satisfied, that:

We also can’t deny the truth that marriage is not an automatic fix for all the needs of single people. You may say, “But Tony, I’m lonely. I have to eat alone at night and go to bed alone. I have normal emotional longings and sexual needs that are not being fulfilled, and I’m frustrated.” Well, I’ve counseled many married people who are so emotionally lonely and/or sexually unsatisfied that they’re thinking about bailing out on their marriages and going back to being single. The only thing more painful than being single and miserable is being married and miserable. Marriage is wonderful, but someone likened it to flies on a window screen. Some are on the outside wanting in, and others are on the inside wanting out.

And as a counselor trainee who primarily counsels married couples, I can totally confirm this.

In seasons of waiting, focus on personal growth, serving others, and trusting God’s timing. Avoid desperation, which can lead to poor decisions such as rushing into unwise relationships or compromising on values. Instead, anchor your heart in the truth of Isaiah 55:8-9, which basically reminds us that God’s ways and thoughts are higher than ours.

The only thing more painful than being single and miserable is being married and miserable. (Tony Evans)

Marriage Is Not the Goal—Jesus Is

Ultimately, marriage is a gift but not the ultimate goal of life. As Colossians 3:2 reminds us, we are to set our minds on things above, focusing on our eternal relationship with Christ. Whether single or married, our purpose is to glorify God and serve Him wholeheartedly. This perspective liberates us from societal pressures and enables us to embrace each season of life with joy and fulfillment.

Reflect and Respond

As you ponder this question—“Is marriage for me?”—consider where God is leading you. If you sense a clear call to singleness, embrace it as a purposeful and fulfilling path. If you feel called to marriage, prepare for it with intentionality and prayer. Either way, trust that God’s plan for your life is good, and He will guide you every step of the way. God richly bless you!