Not Every Mentor is Meant to Shape Your Whole Life, And That’s Okay

This article is Part 2 of the 7-part mentorship series inspired by teachings from Coach Alex Yeboah Sasu on the Sayinspires platform, a YouTube channel.

When I started teaching English, I quickly learned something that changed my perspective on learning and life as a whole: not every student comes to me for the same reason. Some seek help with grammar, while others struggle with comprehension. A few, however, simply need the confidence to speak without fear of being laughed at. Imagine how strange it would be if a student approached me for help with essay writing, and I suddenly began correcting their attire or managing their life choices. Helpful? Maybe. Appropriate? Not always. This simple classroom reality helped me understand something Coach Alex explains clearly: not every mentor is meant to influence every aspect of your life.

Recognizing this distinction can spare you confusion, disappointment, and even spiritual harm. In this second part of his mentorship series, Coach Alex elaborates on how we categorize these relationships.

"Not every mentor is meant to influence every aspect of your life."

Two Types of Mentors You Need to Understand

Coach Alex introduces two broad types of mentors and clarifies that mentorship isn't a "one-size-fits-all" arrangement. The mentee has the power to set the boundaries. He categorizes the main types of mentors as Specific Mentors and Holistic Mentors.

Two types of mentors

1. Specific Mentors

A specific mentor is someone you (the mentee) intentionally allow to influence a defined area of your life, such as your career, physical fitness, or finances.

Consequently, a mentee may need a career mentor, a faith or ministry mentor, an academic mentor, or a relationship mentor, etc. And that’s perfectly healthy. This affirms what the Bible says in Proverbs 15:22 (NIV) ,  “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed.”  

2. Holistic Mentors

A holistic mentor differs significantly. This is someone you trust enough to speak into multiple areas of your life, including faith, relationships, decisions and directions. This mentor has what could be termed an ‘all-access pass’ because you permit them to engage in every part of your life, ranging from your marriage to your walk with God, work-life balance, and your deepest personal struggles. This kind of access is earned, not assumed.

Coach Alex wisely notes that these relationships are not fixed forever. You may start with someone as a specific mentor and, over time, find that their wisdom extends into other areas. Conversely, the opposite may occur, and that’s okay. Mentorship evolves as people grow. Just like students, some start with basic grammar and progress to advanced writing, while others stop at what they need. Growth determines depth.

The Power Dynamic

Coach Alex, drawing from his background as a therapist, emphasizes an important point: there is always a "power differential" in mentorship. The mentor typically possesses more experience or knowledge, which can make the mentee vulnerable. To maintain a healthy relationship, you, the mentee, must determine the level of influence. He advises that if your values do not align, you have the right to adjust the parameters of that relationship. This is why ethical boundaries exist to protect the vulnerable party, in this case, the mentee.

Mentorship: a safe environment

 Coach Alex insists that mentorship must be a safe environment for both the mentor and mentee. Similarly, a teacher’s power over a student serves as a mandatory safety net. While a mentee chooses their boundaries, a teacher must proactively use their authority to enforce them, ensuring the "power dynamic" is used to shield the student from harm rather than exploit their vulnerability. By maintaining these ethical boundaries, the teacher transforms their influence into a stable environment where the student is protected until they are strong enough to advocate for themselves. Ultimately, the ethical boundaries in mentorship and the classroom function as a "secure base," ensuring that the power dynamics is used to foster the mentee's growth while providing the same profound sense of protection a student needs to thrive.

He added that the mentee decides the scope of influence, and I totally agree. As a teacher, I observe this daily. A student may respect me as an English teacher, but that doesn’t automatically qualify me to dictate their career path, marriage decisions, or spiritual convictions. Wisdom knows its lane.

Coach Alex explains that life comprises multiple “scales” or domains, including Spiritual, Mental (education, personal development, recreation), Physical (career, work, finances), and Social.  

Final Reflection(s)

In conclusion, you are not ungrateful for outgrowing a mentor, nor are you rebellious for redefining boundaries. Also, you are not lost for needing different voices at different seasons. God uses relationships as instruments, not replacements. Part 3 will explain the term, Spiritual Fathers, a common Christian terminology and how this concept connects to mentorship.